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Making the First 5 Weeks of School Easier
1st Tip: Sleep
This is the simplest tip, but certainly not the easiest. Adolescents (considered ages 11-22) need about 9 1/4 hours of sleep each night. Children, 11 and under need about 10 and adults need around 8 hours. (for more on back to school and sleep, go to my guest blog today at myAtlantaMoms.com). The APA (American Psychological Association) published a survey in 2009 showing that 49% of teens cite difficulty sleeping. Their parents' perception? That 13% of the teens had sleep problems. Anxiety and depression can both affect sleep patterns, so be mindful of this those first few weeks of school. For a depression checklist click here.
2nd Tip: Lower Expectations
There will be bumps in the road this first month. Someone's going to oversleep, be late for school or get sick. Dinner won't be on time or we'll duplicate a school lunch, we 'll forget to sign something important or can't get our child in to see the doctor for a sports physical on time. It's inevitable that we will miss perfection as parents and the same for our students. If we can keep a sense of humor when these things happen and not overreact, life will go more smoothly. In the overall scheme of things it's probably not a life-changing event.
3rd Tip:Establish and Stick to a Routine
Figure out in advance what your family needs to function well: sleep, diet, exercise, homework, chores, fun. A family calendar is invaluable and if you're a fan of spreadsheets you can create one specifically for your family's needs. Routines, like boundaries make our lives less chaotic in an overly busy world. Remember to schedule family time or one-on-one time with your kids. Often, our family time gets diminished as academics and extracurriculars fill the plate.
4th Tip: Know Their Teachers and School
When your kids have Orientation or Meet the Teachers, be sure to go. It will give you an impression of the teacher's style and a grasp of what's expected in the coming semester. If your child complains about a teacher it makes it easier to weigh the merit of their complaint (your child's creative/messy and the teacher's a stickler for details). Teachers have told me they wish parents would send e-mails telling more about who their children are and what they're like, both socially and academically. Instead of just signing the syllabus for classes or the honor code or rules, actually take time to read these. You can make life better for your child if you've got a clear mental picture of what the teachers and school administration expect.
5th Tip: Monitor Electronics and Social Media
75% of 12-17 year-olds own a cell phone. Out of that group, 88% use text messaging as the preferred form of communication. Like it or not the way our kids communicate has radically changed in the last 7 years. Keep an eye on cell phone and texting usage. See if your teen is texting or downloading data during school hours or Skype-ing at midnight. There is software which you can put on your child's computer which monitors every keystroke, e-mails, social media activity and instant messaging online. I recommend the software sold by Internet Safety Expert, Richard Shuster of Shuster Solutions. If your kids are on Facebook, make sure you're one of their "friends" with full access. Check FB regularly and religiously. I made the mistake of not monitoring closely enough and I could've saved my son a lot of consequences. Bullying takes place not just on social media sites, but through texting, Skype-ing, instant messages or chats and live webchats. For more details on cyber-bullying go to this page of www.TeensTalkTruth.com .
Bonus Tip:
Be gentle with yourself and your children. None of us is perfect and we all just want to be loved.
There's a part of me that's not ready to give up this summer bonding with my family. We've fought, we've laughed, we've cried and we've healed this summer. The springtime was fraught with upheaval and difficult decisions for both of my children and all of their parents. As the healing continues I want to savor these last unscheduled days of summer. If you're looking for entry into some good conversations, check out the quiz below for both parents and teens.
-Lisa Smith Henderson, Host
Quiz-How Well Do You Know Your Teen? | |
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How important are fathers to the child-rearing process? How important are fathers in the lives of teenagers? The more I research and the more stories I hear, I've discovered it's critical to have an involved father for a healthy emotional life. Don't despair if you didn't have it, don't have it now and can't give it to your kids. It simply means more emotional work is involved in finding father figures to fill that void. I adored my father, but we had a very volatile relationship until I was an adult and we both got sober. Read more about this volatile relationship on the Parents Talk Truth Blog. With Father's Day approaching this Sunday, let us give thanks to all the men who have been there for us as fathers, biological or otherwise.
-Lisa Smith Henderson, Host
The Bad News
- Teens living in a two-parent household with a poor relationship with their father are 68% more likely to smoke, drink, or use drugs compared to all teens in two-parent households.
- Even teenagers from one-parent families,(typically headed by mothers), are less at risk from tobacco, alcohol and drugs than those in two-parent families who have poor relationships with their fathers.
National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University (CASA)
The Good News
- Children of single moms with no father in the picture fare better than living with the bio father if he's uninvolved.
- Father involvement in schools is associated with the higher likelihood of a student getting mostly A's.
- This impact on grades was true for fathers in biological parent families, for stepfathers and for fathers heading single-parent families. U.S. Department of Education, National Center for Education Statistics.
Fathers and Daughters
Daughters who perceive that their fathers care a lot about them and feel connected with their fathers:
- Have significantly fewer suicide attempts
- Fewer instances of body dissatisfaction
- Less depression
- Less substance use
- Healthier weight
- Are less likely to flaunt themselves to seek male attention.
- Wait longer to become sexually active.
- Have lower rates of teen pregnancy.
Meg Meeker, M.D., author of Fathers, Strong Daughters: 10 Secrets Every Father Should Know summed it up beautifully, "Furthermore, a woman is highly likely to choose a boyfriend or husband based on the qualities, whether good or bad, that she sees in her father. This alone demonstrates the awesome responsibility that comes with fatherhood. There is something very special and particular about the relationship between a father and daughter, which has the potential to protect a girl emotionally, physically and psychologically, as no other relationship in her life can.
Fathers and Sons
- Men who had poor relationships with their fathers tended to have problems with intimate relationships in adulthood.
- Fathers tend to stress challenge, initiative, risk-taking, and independence. National Research Council's Board on Children and Families
- Men who have warm, close relationships with their father have characteristics valued more by society.
- Men who had good relationships with their fathers during childhood handled daily stress better as adults.
Study by Melanie Mallers, PhD presented at the APA convention, 2010
- Boys with involved fathers had much lower rates of truancy, stealing and drug use. Journal of Youth and Adolescence,13-Paternal Influences
If your children's father is unavailable: physically, emotionally, geographically or permanently, father figures are critical. If it's a trusted uncle, grandfather, family friend, church or synagogue member, the relationship with a mature, loving, kind man can impact a fatherless child greatly.
Quote for Father's Day
(Speaking on the relationship between a father and son)
"It matters. It matters a lot." Stephen Preas, M.D. | | | |
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