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Recently a friend of my daughters that plays on her team asked my daughter to “watch her back” with the coach and fellow players. The girl is a star player with numerous colleges scouting her for scholarships. The girl was smoking pot prior to games in the parking lot, then coming to practice and covering up the odor with body spray. She would ask my daughter to do “the sniff” test of her breath, clothes and hair to make sure they didn’t smelled.When my daughter came to me she explained that she feels caught in the middle and asked for help so that she didn’t lose a friend  but at the same time she was worried her friend was going to get hurt and cost herself scholarship opportunities.

I reviewed the situation with my daughter explaining sometimes to be a real friend you have to make tough decisions that will test the friendship. I suggested I speak with the girl after practice and tell the girl that I have had suspicions about her pot-smoking. When I confronted my daughter my suspicions were confirmed. I explained that I was not trying to hurt her reputation and that this would remain confidential, but I was worried for her safety and feel her parents should know. I was very kind with my words and explained how much the girl had to lose, scholarships, injury during a game and even worse, being in an accident. The girl was upset and stated that she only had done it a few times and would stop. I explained that I felt she need the support of her parents to assist her and that I too was there if she need any help but that I could not turn a blind eye. I said I think she  needs to be the one to tell her parents so I will give her 24 hrs to tell her parents after which time I would be speaking with her mom and  I assured her I would not tell anyone else.

The girl’s parents and I often sit together during the games or work in the concession stand. The next game I pulled the mom to the side and I explained that I had a very hard subject to discuss but hoped she would hear me with an open mind as I adored her daughter and deeply respected she and her husband. We went and sat away from everyone as if we were watching the game then I explained the situation. I stated that I had already spoken to her daughter who admitted using the drug and that I gave the daughter 24 hrs to tell her parents or I was going to. The mom began to cry and then gave me a hug, Her daughter did tell them over the phone that afternoon (leaving out that I also knew).  The mom went on to say they had no idea as the daughters grades were good, her attitude was good but that she did seem more distant and removed but they thought it was that she was overwhelmed with classes, sports practice and the fact that exams were approaching.

-Anita D., mother of 2

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 Herpes-A True Story 

I thought you had to be pretty stupid to get an STD. That you either had to have unprotected sex with strangers or use drugs with dirty needles. But 1 in 5 people have an STD in the United States and the CDC says that roughly 25% of people in the U.S. have herpes.

My boyfriend and I had previously practiced unprotected sex, partly because I was too shy and passive to say otherwise. Also, he had had very little sexual experience, so I assumed he would be clean. However, I did insist we use condoms when I wasn’t using birth control for one week of each month.  We lived in different cities and after a weekend together (using a condom), I developed flu-like symptoms. I was running a fever and had lower back and abdominal pain. I spoke to my mother who said the back and abdominal pain could be a urinary tract infection. I said, “It’s funny that you say that because my right labia hurts.”

I examined myself and there was a lump, so I reported back to my mother. She mentioned it could be herpes, so I looked up pictures of herpes and my lump looked nothing like the grotesque zits that I found on the internet. Then as the day went on, it became painful to urinate and to walk. I looked again, and the lump had changed into what looked like a milder case of the pictures.

I called my mother again in a panic saying that I thought it was herpes. I told her that I had protected sex that weekend, but she asked if I had the previous time I had visited my boyfriend. It had been about twenty days since I had unprotected sex, and most websites indicated that symptoms of herpes in the first outbreak will occur 2 to 14 days after exposure. I found a few that said it could be up to 26 days.

The next step was to call my boyfriend. I had to tell him that even with his minimal sexual experience I thought he had given me herpes. I knew he was going to suspect me of cheating and my mother warned me that he would deny it. He did both, but was still fairly sweet. He kept saying that it could not be him. I asked if he had ever had anything on his penis or on his mouth that was unusual. He replied that he had gotten fever blisters before. I told him that fever blisters are herpes. He responded with, “Well yeah, but it’s not the contagious kind.” I quickly corrected him with the proper information, as I had done extensive online research on the subject.

I made an emergency appointment with a gynecologist and he did a swab of the labia. He told me to get a blood test to check for syphilis and HIV and the results of this culture wouldn’t come back for two weeks. He prescribed me a tube the size of my thumb to apply every six hours.

A few days later, I went to my primary care doctor to get a blood test for syphilis, HIV, and HSV I and HSV II. Those results came back in 3 days with negatives for each disease. The doctor explained that it takes several weeks for herpes antibodies to appear in the blood . I begged him to prescribe Acyclovir and after taking it for two days, the pain went away.

My boyfriend also got a blood test. He went to a clinic where he could remain anonymous because he did not want the verdict to affect his opportunities for getting insurance. He paid almost $100 for a simple herpes blood test. The test came back positive for HSV I which is generally the less severe, oral type. When he called to tell me the results, he said he had the kind that wasn’t bad and believed he did not give it to me.

Just a few months earlier at a routine check-up, I tested negative for HSVI and HSVII (while still dating the same guy). I was becoming angry with my boyfriend for not believing that he was the one, for not taking responsibility. Eventually, he said that he realized it was a very real possibility that he had given it to me and was very, very sorry.

Finally, after a painstakingly long two weeks, my culture came back positive for Herpes Simplex Virus I, the same as my boyfriend. The weekend we had protected sex, we had unprotected oral sex. I had not noticed a fever blister or any blemish on his face then or at any point in the relationship. I never thought that oral sex would be the culprit for me getting any STD. I could understand that I could get oral herpes from oral sex, but I never thought about genital herpes from oral sex.

My story is a bit unique. I was fairly smart about being safe. I was on birth control and used condoms when I wasn’t on it. I had been educated about STDs and contracting them. I was having sex with one person, and I knew his sexual history. Where did I go wrong?

The only thing I could have done differently was getting tested with my sexual partner. I had been taught from various commercials to get tested with your partner. I had been tested, but I did not ask for the results his test. I have had unprotected sex with two boyfriends before, not strangers. Clearly, I did not know them as well as I thought I did.

To all sexually active teens and adults, GET TESTED. Obviously, wear condoms if you do not know much about your partner. Do not have oral sex or unprotected sex without getting tested (along with your partner) first. To the parents:  be supportive of your children and make sure they get tested at multiple times in their lives. Yelling at a child for having sex is not effective in preventing STDs or pregnancy.