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T3 Newsletter November 2009
 It's a question most parents ask themselves at some point, "Will my drinking or not drinking impact my teen?". The answer is an unequivocal YES! As a recovering alcoholic, my children have never seen me drink alcohol (I got sober before they were born) and they've never been around many adults drinking. They've had a rather skewed worldview because of this. Much to my surprise, it didn't keep my daughter (now 21) from experimenting with alcohol as a teen. This month we look at parental impact on drinking.To share your experience or read about others' please go to our Parents Talk Truth Blog. -Lisa Smith Henderson, Host
Featured Interview
This month, I caught up with long-time friend, Elaine Levine,the founder of Atlanta Parent Network(www.ATLParentNetwork.com) and a graduate of Harvard and the Yale Law School. In addition to facilitating parenting classes for hundreds of parents in the Atlanta metro area, Elaine has been practicing law for the past 15 years (www.LDLawPractice.com) . She's represented over 480 families in a variety of legal matters. And, most importantly she is also the mother of three children, one who's still a teenager!
TTT-Elaine, when you work with parents what's the first thing you tell them about teens and alcohol?
EL-That they need to be careful how they talk about alcohol. If the parent comes home and says they've had a hard day and need a glass of wine or drink to destress, the child learns that's how to cope.
TTT-What are some of the ways kids fool their parents if they're drinking or drugging?
EL-Parents are conditioned to look for dropping grades as a sign of alcohol or drug use. Often the kids will keep their grades high enough that parents don't suspect a problem.
This is one of the more effective ways that teens hoodwink their parents.
TTT-Can parent's get away with saying, "Do as I say, not as I do" when it comes to drinking?
EL-NO! Kids will look to their parents' drinking as a model for their own behavior. If mom or dad is enjoying a drink or glass of wine to unwind after a hard day or they get a little tipsy at a cocktail party, it sends a message that's it's adult, it's okay and it's fun.
TTT-Would this also apply to "drinking and driving"?
EL-Yes, most definitely. When I teach parenting classes I ask the parents if they take the kids out to dinner and order a glass of wine or a beer. A majority of these parents raise their hands. Then I ask them, "Okay, who drove home?". At this point you can usually hear a pin drop. Parents who drive after having just one or two drinks are modeling "drinking and driving" for their teens. It's tough for kids to understand why they shouldn't drink and drive or ride with someone who's been drinking if their parents are doing the opposite.
To reach Elaine Levine at Levine & Dickman, LLP, you can call
404-233-5571 or go to: www.LDLawPractice.com and
ATLParent.com
Alcoholic Gene Activated with Early Drinking
In the December 2009 issue of "Alcoholism: Clinical & Experimental Research" a new study confirms the belief that the age when a child has their first drink may enhance the role of genetic factors associated with vulnerability to alcoholism. It's possible that early use of alcohol may lead to modifications in the developing brain which, in turn, may modify expression of alcoholic genes. Correspondingly, they found that those who began drinking at a later age, the genetic influences played a much smaller part, while environment was the predominant factor.
The National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University (CASA) "2009 National Survey of American Attitudes on Substance Abuse: Teens and Parents", revealed the following:
One of the most interesting elements of teen drinking is the impact a teenager's father has on his/her drinking alcohol. The following outlines the numbers of teens who have TRIED alcohol.
- 65% have tried alcohol if they believe their father is
"okay with them drinking".
- Comparatively, 41% have tried alcohol if there is NO father in the home.
- Finally, just 25% have tried alcohol if their father is "against them drinking".
The following is the number of teens getting DRUNK monthly:
- 34% of teens who get drunk monthly believe their father is "okay with them drinking".
- While just 14% of teens who get drunk monthly believe their father is "against them drinking".
This month TTT features a complimentary MP3 Download of "Alcohol and Drugs-Volume I", Segment 2 (7 minutes in length), click here to download this secure file. You may also order the full-length CD at our online store.
Ah, "sexting". So you might be thinking, "Who in the world would be dumb enough to send sexual messages or pictures in a text?" The reality is that millions of people do it every day and a bulk of them are teens! How do we convince them that everything in cyberspace can come back to haunt them? This month we explore sexting, texting and social media. Find out what other parents are saying on this topic and others on the Parents Talk Truth Blog
-Lisa Smith Henderson, Host
Sexting
According to Nielsen Mobile, it's estimated that 80% of teens 13-17 are using cellphones. In my discussions with teens they consider "sexting" to be sexually suggestive or explicit texts, not photographs. However, most parents and lawmakers group both into the category of "sexting". Posession of sexuallllyy explicit photographs of a minor on a cellphone or computer is considered child pornography. Right now it doesn't matter if a girl sends her boyfriend's cellphone her sexy pics, they could both be charged and listed as sex offenders. There is a New York lawyer who is petitioning for federal "sexting legislation" that would make sexting a misdemeanor for minors.
In a survey commissioned by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, it showed that 73% of teens surveyed knew that sexting could have negative implications, even though nearly half (48%) had been involved in sexting.
· 33% of teen boys and 25% of teen girls say they have had nude/semi-nude images (originally intended as private) shared with them.
· 51% of teen girls say pressure from a guy is a reason girls send sexy messages or images.
· 71% of teen girls and 67% of teen boys who have sent or posted sexually suggestive content have sent this to a boyfriend/ girlfriend.
Texting
Just plain texting can have unwanted consequences too, including "texter's thumb", sleep interference from late-night texting and dropping grades. Some cell phone companies will allow you to block texting between certain hours. Teens don't understand adults being on Twitter, because they're having that instant interchange with their friends through texting. Apparently some kids are so skillful that they can text behind their backs or through a jacket so parents and teachers don't even realize they're texting.
Facebook
In a Harvard dorm room in 2004, Mark Zuckerberg, Dustin Moskovitz and Chris Hughes launched Facebook, today's premiere social networking site for teens and adults. In the beginning it only allowed users who had campus e-mail addresses and then in September 2005, Facebook opened up to high-schoolers. Finally, a year later the floodgates opened when all were welcome to join this free social media site. There are over 69 million Facebook users and over 80% of those users are from youngsters up to 24 year-olds.
Computer Monitoring Software
Teens Talk Truth is a believer in software monitoring for your child's computer. This software monitors and records: screen shots, e-mails, IM chats, Facebook chats and Facebook messages. Our Internet Safety expert, Richard Shuster, M.S.W., has this software available for sale at www.ShusterSolutions.com. This website also offers information and links for parents to help keep your children safe online. This month our free CD of the month is the Teens Talk Truth CD, "Internet Safety Today", featuring an teen stories of online problems and interview with Richard Shuster on the breadth of the problem and parental solutions. Click here to order your free copy.
(a penny for shipping, 1 per household, please).
Sleep, Exercise and the Back to School Blues
Stephen Preas, M.D. has been practicing psychiatry for over 20 years and is the Medical Director for Promedica Psychiatry Group in Metro Atlanta. He's a frequent guest on the Teens Talk Truth programs and contributor to the T3-Newsletter. We talked to Dr. Preas about the "Back to School Blues" and how to help our children adjust this fall.
TTT-What causes the "back to school blues" and is it depression?
SP-It's not so much depression as often as it is anxiety as a result of change. Whether it's a new school or not, each year brings change and even if it's positive, it's still stressful.
TTT- With the amount of homework assigned in school and lots of extracurricular activity, do we need to worry about burnout for our kids?
SP-Burnout comes as a result of feeling alone and unappreciated. It's never the workload that's the cause of burnout.This is true for adolescents and adults.
TTT-So, if a child has a 4.0 GPA, plays sports, holds a school office and is the lead in the school play, it doesn't have to cause burnout?
SP-Exactly. As long as they feel appreciated and supported by their friends and family, they won't feel what we commonly think of as burnout.
TTT-How important is sleep to our adolescents now that school's back in session?
SP-Sleep is critical to every human's well-being, especially adolescents. New studies show that adolescents need more sleep than others, not less. With more homework, extracurriculars and early rising times, it's difficult for teens and pre-teens to get the 8-10 hours they need.
TTT-What do you think about letting the kids catch up on their sleep over the weekend by sleeping late?
SP-By all means, let them sleep in! An adolescent's normal rhythm would have them waking up mid-morning and staying up until late at night. We can't change the school system, so during the week, there's not as much opportunity for sleep. When your child sleeps until noon on Saturday, please be tolerant. They will feel better if they get more sleep rather than less.
TTT-When the time changes in October (in most of the U.S.), our days get shorter. Does this trigger the blues in students who have Seasonal Affective Disorder (S.A.D.) ?
SP-Some people experience depression in the winter when there's less light and the days are shorter and others only have S.A.D. in the spring and fall.
TTT: With a heavy homework load it seems like the kids have less time now to play outside. What are your thoughts on this?
SP: One of the most important things we can support our children in doing is getting exercise, indoor or outdoor. Our bodies love exercise (not right before bedtime) and it's been proven to alleviate milder depression. Most athletes will tell you that they got their best grades during the sports season when they were exercising and had to manage their time better.
TTT-Aside from making sure our children get plenty of sleep and exercise, what else can parents do to help make the transition easier during the school year?
SP-Really listen to their concerns and discover if they're having problems with school or friends. If you had a similar experience, then share your feelings and relate it to them. If you didn't, maybe a family member had a parallel experience. For example, "Your Aunt Susie had trouble getting up early like you did and she made it through. I know it's not easy for you right now." You want your adolescent to know they're not alone and that you hear what experiences are troubling them.
TTT-Any parting thoughts?
SP: Yes! Remember the importance of touch. As children enter puberty, parents (especially fathers with daughters) tend to shy away from touch. Hugs and touch are especially important for our children as they move through adolescence.
TTT-Our thanks to Dr. Stephen Preas for his terrific insight and ideas. In essence, the four critical things to keep in mind for "back to school" are:
-
Sleep
-
Exercise
-
Hugs
-
Listen and relate
What's the difference between the "blues" and depression?
If your child is showing 5 or more of these symptoms for more than two weeks, it could be depression:
- Continual irritability
- Frequent complaints of illness (headache, stomachache, nausea, fatigue)
- Persistent sadness or episodes of crying
- Loss of interest in usual activities
- Weight gain or weight loss
- Sleep difficulty (insomnia, early morning waking or sleeping too much)
- Persistent boredom
- Oppositional and/or negative behavior
- Poor school performance or frequent school absences
Depression InformationResources
T3 Newsletter August 2009
Welcome back to another exciting school year! A new academic year brings the inevitable social drama associated with teen relationships. Outlined below are studies, statistics and stories about popularity: the good, the bad and the ugly. For more on this and other topics see the Parents Talk Truth Blog and Teens Talking Truth Blog .
Lisa Smith Henderson, Host
Sociometrically Popular and Perceived Popular
Sociometrically popular youth are those who are well-liked by others, show cooperative behavior and score low on overt or social aggression. The other term used by sociologists within the last 10 years is perceived popular. These are teens who are well-known and emulated, but not necessarily well-liked. In a 2003 study by Vaillancourt, Hymel and McDougall, they found an association between bullying and perceived popularity. This group appears to use a strategic combination of both aggressive and pro-social behaviors to manipulate others in ways that lead to or maintain their higher status. The following story from a Teens Talk Truth reporter, highlights the behavior of the perceived popular boys in his class.
"In middle school the popular boys began to call me "scrub" and "fag" for about 6 months. The leader of the popular guys, "Bob", had hooked up with a few girls that he didn't want anyone to know about it. I accidentally found out about the girls and when he knew that I knew, "Bob", practically begged me not to tell anyone. I agreed to keep his secrets as long as they all left me alone. It was an instant change and although we weren't ever friends, he and the other guys quit calling me names."
-"Chad", Middle School Student
Mean Girls
The movie, "Mean Girls" underscored the viciousness that girls are capable of in the teen years.Statistics also reflect that girls who are popular exhibit more relational aggression (insults, gossip, rumors) than boys do. As girls move through adolescence, this social aggression more often involves manipulating or threatening a girl's romantic relationship (Crick, et al 1999). Below is Julie's high school horror story:
"There were several rumors that circulated about me in high school, none of which were true or even had a grain of truth. They both involved me performing sexual acts and one rumor said I got paid with a candy bar for oral sex. It was really so ridiculous, but there were people who believed it and passed it along. There are probably people to this day who still believe that I did those things."
-"Julie", sophomore in college
Racial Divide
A study released last year surveyed nearly 600 boys and girls from the 4th grade and followed them through the 12th grade. One finding which surprised researchers was that in the fourth grade about 50% of the cliques were of mixed race and ethnicity, but by the 12th grade, nearly 90% of cliques were of the one race or ethnicity. Because the school system which was studied was ethnically diverse, the results were even more unexpected.
One TTT reporter tells us that in her private middle school, the "Black Pack" made fun of other races besides their own. At Teens Talk Truth, we are painfully aware that this situation has been reversed for many decades and still exists in America. However, we would be remiss in not addressing what appears to be a fairly recent phenomenon. Read what one mom wrote on the Parents Talk Truth Blog regarding her adolescent daughter's experience along these lines.
Popularity and Economic Success
A recent study by The Institute for Social and Economic Research (using data from the Wisconsin Longitudinal Studies)found a link between popularity and adult salaries. Students who were sociometrically popular and socially skilled, were more successful and higher income earners as adults. A distinction was made between being talkative and being popular. Talkative students were not as successful as the popular students.
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